Joke Compilation of The Day

#1

BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

#2
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me…

#3
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY: Sure, what’s your phone number?

#4
GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve?

#5
MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, NO, because you make me sick.

#6
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

#7
MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

#8
Girlfriend : “….And are you sure you love me and no one else?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

#9
Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

#10
Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.

#11
Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colours do you have ?”

#12

Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.”
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”..

#13
Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

#14
Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.

#15
Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

#16
Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

#17
Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

#18
Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”